So, yesterday being Fathers Day, I went to an LDS ward with my hubby to show support. The opening hymn was "O My Father" which used to be one of my favorite hymns. Sure enough, at the last verse, I started crying and couldn't make it through the rest of the song. I sat there confused at my reaction and wondered if maybe I should give the church another try. The youth speaker spoke about obeying her dad (which is a generally good idea, within reason) and then the next speaker got up. She was young (approximately my age, give or take a couple of years) and was talking about how to honor, respect and otherwise kiss your husband's ass. She spewed the most disgusting patriarchal vomit that I've heard in a while. Her talk was full of archaic bullshit about how women shouldn't give their husbands too much trouble and assumptions that the husband would be the only bread winner in the family and so should be especially pampered. Ick, ick, ick. Her husband's talk was slightly more redeemable in that he spoke about not exercising unrighteous dominion, but it was still based on the idea that she should defer to him. I don't think either one of them even tried to touch on the equal partner language in the Family Proclamation (even thought that document has its own vomit issues). Suffice it to say that I left upset (although I tried to contain it since I didn't want to ruin hubby's day). Hubby simply found it amusing, because he knows how much it bothers me and thought that it was ironic that they would say those things on the one day I chose to come. Anyway, it was a nice reminder about why I was keeping my distance.
On to other Fathers Day stuff. I will now do a tribute to my own father. My dad is a pretty good guy in general. And we've definitely had our times when we didn't see eye to eye. In high school, when I was at my most zealous, I had no use for anything that my agnostic father wanted to tell me. As I look back now, I realize that even though my father's politics are generally conservative (as are his views of what married women should do), the things he tried to tell my sister and I about being independent were pretty much spot on, and I should have listened to him a lot more. He still annoys me at times, I still get angry at him sometimes, but I'm also finally learning to appreciate some of the things he says. So, here's to you, Dad. I love you.
5 comments:
heh heh...
I spent sacrement mtg with my nose buried in God's Problem. it (sort of) helped get through an hour of similar rhetoric.
those were beautiful thoughts about your father. btw... does he know about this blog?
I find myself reduced to tears lately when I try to discuss religion. And my first reaction is to think, maybe that means the church is true. But then I think that it's probably just the heartache that comes with letting go of something that had a powerful hold on me... I'm not 100% sure.
I just read some of the recent entries on your blog and I definitely can relate to the pain of letting parents know about doubts. My older sister told my mom that I was having issues, and now she wants to talk to me about it and I know that would just be pointless. It's stupid to, because when contemplating what I believe and how I am going to live my life, I shouldn't have to worry about my choices hurting my mother's feelings.
(But John Mayer is sing to me, "I know the heart of life is good..." so maybe it will all be okay.)
Hi yrsuchariot, welcome and thanks for stopping by. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond to your comment. I hope you see this. Leaving the church is incredibly painful. Sometimes I do feel like I've lost a loved one. Eventually you'll know what you need to do. It is a hard row to hoe.
I need to do a follow up post about my issues with my mom (and my sister, although for some reason I think she won't be as big a hurdle). But I know what you mean about the pointlessness of their arguments. It's not like you didn't exhaust all the arguments before you decided to follow the path you're on.
Good luck and I hope to learn more about you.
I had a similar experience a couple of years ago; I woke up late one Sunday in June, decided not to go to church, and at the last minute felt guilty like maybe God wanted me to go to church--so I ironed my clothes in a rush and ran out the door. I'd forgotten it was Father's Day. Literally as I walked into the chapel the first sentence I heard was something about how fathers are the ultimate authority in the home and everyone else should defer to them. Rather than sit there as smoke came out my ears, I just kept on walking back out the chapel doors and all the way home again.
I'm so glad I got a chance to talk to you in person! I wanted to meet you at the snacker but I'm sort of shy, so it was fortuitous that you needed a ride. Have fun with your sister! :)
Kiskilili, it was so good to meet you as well! I was sad that I hadn't got to meet you 'cause I'm shy too. So yes, I was thrilled when you guys offered me a ride that night.
I had a good time with my sis. Thanks for asking (although I had to go to church with her, and that was somewhat difficult). Anyway, you probably won't ever see this response. My computer crashed that weekend while I was in Utah, and I'm just back on line now.
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