Saturday, July 19, 2008

Pain

A friend of mine, whom I will not link to out of respect, has had a tragedy hit. And I hurt for her. Losing a child hurts so badly. I can't imagine the pain, but the pain I feel on her behalf is horrible.
This friend of mine is faithful. She's good. So is her husband. They prayed, thousands of people prayed. But it didn't change anything. And supposing this baby had lived, would that have been such a terrible thing? Would the universe really have been worse off if this child had been able to live? Do not tell me that. Don't tell me that that child didn't need a shot at life. If life is really that shitty, then why do we cling to it so desperately?
Did my friend really need such a harsh lesson? And what was she supposed to learn from it? Will she learn from it? Yes. Absolutely. She has no choice. But do not tell me that the amount of pain she's suffering was because she was deficient in some way.
It hurts because we know the injustice of it. We know that life is really special. We know what it is to love and when the loved one dies, we know what it is to hurt for the lack of that person, knowing we'll never see them again. We know how cruel loving can be. And yet we do it anyway, because it's the only thing that keeps us holding on. That's the irony that is life: that what keeps you going can almost put an end to you.

6 comments:

G said...

sometimes it makes people feel better if they can assign a 'purpose' to pain...
sometimes it is just ludicrous to even contemplate a 'purpose'.

it broke my heart when I found out...

Wheel said...

sorry to hear this Lessie. I hope you can support her how she needs to be supported to get through this; even if that is doing nothing in the right way.

xxx

Lessie said...

I know, G. My heart is still hurting for her.

Thanks, Shukr (I really do like that name, but I'll call you wheel, if you'd rather). She opened a donation fund on Heifer International, and I've donated to that. But I do feel so powerless right now. What does one say . . .

TAG said...

" And what was she supposed to learn from it? Will she learn from it? Yes. Absolutely. She has no choice."

I agree - it makes me think of the oft-heard mantra that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Does it? Just because I physically survive something doesn't really mean I'm okay.

I just watched a show on ABC about Randy Pausch of "The Last Lecture" fame. I'm sobbing. Then I read this. Sometimes it just seems too hard, you know?

Lessie said...

A friend of mine has recommended the last lecture. But I haven't had the nerve to read/watch it yet, because death is such a sensitive issue for me right now.

Sometimes it does seem too hard. And yet we survive. And in that, we will never cease to amaze me.

Shukr said...

Hi Lessie, just checking in to send love and hugs.

xx